It Had to Happen Sometime

When someone's child is throwing a fit in on an airplane/in a restaurant/in a store/etc., I've never been one of those people who throws them dirty looks and wonders why they can't make their kid be quiet. I usually just feel sorry for them. I was naive enough to think that maybe that would buy me just a little good karma. Just a little tiny bit of luck.

Nope.

I had a doctor's appointment the other day and, of course, I had to take Ava with me. I tried to get a morning appointment, but all they had were afternoon spots available, so I went ahead and just accepted one of those...even though I knew I was tempting fate. Afternoons are unpredictable around here. Five minutes after we arrived, I saw the writing on the wall. She started squirming in her stroller, and I knew what was coming. My daughter proceeded to throw a huge fit in the middle of the very crowded, CONCRETE waiting room. It's a very nice stained concrete sort of room, but still...the acoustics made every cry ECHO.

I tried everything. We walked. We bounced. We tried the binky. No go. I set her down in her stroller to check her diaper - that really pissed her off. I couldn't check it very well since she stiffens up like a board when she is in the midst of a major fit, but it looked clean. I was even going to try nursing her, but about that time, some guy came over and sat down right in my section. I'm normally not one for whipping out a boob in public (okay, except for that ONE time), but I was getting desperate. The entire waiting room was staring at us. Seriously, I had no idea how totally inadequate I would feel. I felt like all these women were thinking "Why hasn't she tried ____?" That's what I would do. She must be new at this mom thing." I think though, that their pity made me more self conscious than any anger or irritation that may have been coming from them. It felt condescending, like "Poor thing, she doesn't have a clue what she is doing!"

I finally went out in the hallway and paced the floor with her there. More screaming ensued. After about twenty minutes, I finally got her to take her binky and lay in the stroller. I pushed her up and down the hall until they called me back into the exam room. She eventually calmed down and dozed for the rest of the appointment.

But the worst part? After we got home, I picked up my sleepy girl and went to change her diaper. She had a dirty diaper, and it had obviously been dirty for a bit because it was sort of dried/stuck to her hiney. So...I felt like a terrible mommy. It's not the end of the world that she had dirty pants for a bit, but I felt awful that she was obviously trying to tell me that during her 30 minute screamfest, and I didn't look close enough when I checked her in the waiting room. The truth is, she was screaming so loud, and she was so stiff, that I just took a quick peek so as to shorten the duration of the blood curdling screams that she emits when you set her down mid-fit. So she was upset because I wanted to avoid further embarrassment, basically.

So there's my confession for the day. I promised her that I would do better next time, but I still feel like a total novice.