Can You Spell N-A-N-N-Y?

A couple of weeks ago, I felt it prudent to check in with my boss about my coming back to work. You know, because it's the professional thing to do and all. Before I went on maternity leave, I was clear that I would not be interested in coming back full time, but I did leave the door open for some part time or consulting work. So I gave her a ring and we chatted about it. Long story short, I told her that I wanted something part time, from home, and she said that "we should be able to work something out."

The minute I hung up with her, I immediately felt a dread in the pit of my stomach. What the hell did I just do? I'm all kinds of conflicted about my work situation as a whole, but I'll save that for another post. I figured that if going back to work was even a remote possibility, I'd better start taking a look at some nanny prospects. I'm aware that there are nanny placement agencies. I'm also aware that they charge fees that are too steep for our budget, so I headed for the nanny websites and did a cursory search just to see what was out there.

Holy hell, this is going to be a toughie.

I'm only going to need a nanny part time. That's already going to make one more difficult to find, I'm aware. Apparently, some of my other requirements might make it difficult as well...

If you cannot spell, you cannot be my child's nanny. The fact that you cannot spell to be begin with just irks me to no end (shame on the public school system for allowing that), but the fact that you cannot even use spell check to check your lousy spelling just indicates a lack of motivation, or even just pure laziness. It's a button, people. If you can't spell on your own, at least push the damn button.

If you cannot use proper grammar and/or punctuation, you cannot be my child's nanny. Reading your endless run on sentences is about as much fun as a pap smear, and double negatives have no place in Ava's vocabulary.

If you type in ALL CAPS FOR YOUR ENTIRE POSTING, you cannot be my child's nanny. There's no need to yell.

If you need sponsorship, you cannot be my child's nanny. I used to handle visa issues at work; I sure as hell don't want to handle them at home as well.

If you have your MySpace photo on your nanny profile, you know, the one where you are posing seductively for your webcam, or showing me your hot pink tongue stud, you cannot be my child's nanny.

If you don't have transportation to my house, you cannot be my child's nanny. We don't exactly have a stellar public transport system here in the Houston suburbs, and having to load up my kiddo to drive you to and from my home kind of negates the convenience of working from home and having a nanny, don't you think?

I think it's great that you are a stay at home mom looking to make some extra money. Very admirable. However, I'm not running a day care, so no, you cannot bring your own child to your nanny gig at my house. I am amazed at the number of these kinds of postings. If my furniture gets scuffed, or my walls get marked on, it should be my kid doing it, not yours. Besides, can you really tell me that your kid won't get more attention than mine? I would love to help you out, but I just can't see paying you to hang out with your kid at my house.

Yeah, so finding a nanny isn't going to be easy. I keep thinking that perhaps I'm being too picky, but really, I can't see being okay with any of the scenarios above.

This might be a loooong search.

Update on Ava's sleeping habits: I decided to focus on night sleep for now, and we will tackle naps later. She had a few rough nights getting used to not being swaddled at night, but she is sleeping much better now. We moved her bedtime up to between 7:30 or 8:00, and we have a nice little bedtime routine. Pretty soon, we'll tackle the daytime nap situation again. Not looking forward to that.